I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
