Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
