I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
