Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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