I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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