I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
