Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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