he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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