he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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