My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
