He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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