Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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