i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
