Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
