why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
