My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
