i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
