i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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