Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
