The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
