I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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