I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
