mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
