so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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