I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
