My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
