is your mom at the bar?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
