Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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