8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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