just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
