i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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