I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your cock deserves a montage
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
