week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
