So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't put those talents on a resume
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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