Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
