you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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