I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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