Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
