Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
