Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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