I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
