i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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