I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
