And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
