I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
