Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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