I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
