please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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