I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
