I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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