Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What a dumb baby whore.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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