She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
