i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
