Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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