Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
