I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My dick has a subreddit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
