I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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