8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
