I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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