I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
