I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
