You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
