dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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