she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
