Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
