Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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