Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
