I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
